"Comfortable with the face I’ve earned"

Alot of thoughts went through my leechie head as i read ‘Comfortable with the face I’ve earned’, by Dr. Lee Wei Ling, in Sunday Times...

Recently, some guys were rather surprised when they learnt tt i'm still single...ppl tend to think tt most pretty ladies r alrdy spoken for...well, i guess the lack of affinity is the main reason...haiz...however, do think twice or thrice abt dating guys who r with u only for ur looks...these guys might not hang around u for long if u were to get into some accident or lose ur looks due to age...anyway, there will always be someone else who is younger n prettier...y waste time on shallow guys who cant accept u for the person tt u r? o.O i'm far from perfect n i'm insecure abt my looks but i'm who i'm...i'm sorry if u cant even accept tt simple fact! i'm more than juz a face...i know i have a strong personality...there is somthg between my ears...i'm an opinionated leech...n sometimes stubbornly loyal to the point which is beyond comprehension...u can agree to disagree...but enough bitching abt my looks if u dont look better than me!!! so juz shut the hell up!!!

Was watching the 11pm Channel 8 show in which one of the female leads, Jiahui, was disfigured after a bomb exploded...n her hubby, Zhenghong, stood by her n continued to shower love on her...she's really blessed to have such a sweetheart! i really envy the love he has towards her...tt is unconditional! but sometimes i really wonder if such guys r alrdy extinct by now? o.O esp after meeting sooooooooo many guys who r sooooo visual n judge u based on your looks!!! -.-"

A couple of weeks ago, I was sharing with him tt an ex-colleague couldnt even recognize me n asked what happened to me...think i look so hideous&fat&poor&stupid tt she cant recognize me now! :'( n he juz couldnt take my emotional insecurities :'( well he can say tt he doesnt judge ppl based on appearance...n this statement came from a guy who said tt even if he were to die, he muz die handsome! how convincing ya =.=" whether u like it or not, we r living in a damn superficial society where ppl constantly judge us based on our appearance n wealth! it's a sad but true fact! call me shallow n materialistic, but those ppl who tell u tt they dont judge u based on ur appearance r either being diplomatically polite or think u r dumb enough to believe tt! -.-" what do i know...i'm supposed to be a dumbo airhead ya -.-"

I admire how Dr. Lee is comfortable with the face tt she's earned...despite the visible changes...n how time n health issues have made their traces on her face...i would be lying if i said i wasn't affected by my ex-colleague's remarks abt how i look now as compared to the past! :'( i know i'm damn far from perfect n i'm full of insecurities...but i dont wanna b ugly!!! :'(

I admit readily tt i'm not happy...n i dont know how to be happy...:'( i look at some others who r inferior to me in terms of looks, wealth n intelligence...but they r much happier than me!!! silly me started to think...why do they think tt they r more worthy to be happy than me? n why r they much happier than me? :'(

"Beauty is not abt looks, makeups or clothes. true beauty comes from being urself, the more u show who u r the prettier u will be!"
Obviously, the more i reveal my insecurities, the uglier he finds me to be! :'( i was reading through his msges...n silly me juz realized tt some of his occasional replies were only out of courtesy n some of his more friendly msges were sent wrongly to me...think Wen Ching was the intended recipient, not me! =( what a silly leech i'm :'( of course it's natural for him to want to show his best side to someone he likes...he only has time n attention for her...silly me was trying too hard...i know he wont view me favorably no matter how hard i try...guess his perceptions of me still hinges on how we met n my insecurities :'( perhaps he looks down on me n sees me as some less-than-nothing worthless trash from the roadside...then obviously, i'm totally unworthy to compare with her :'( but why on earth would i wanna b an anal-yst? that was never my ambition...not in the past, not now, not likely to be in the future! n i dont need to b an anal-yst to show there is something between my ears...lol...u can continue to judge me n dismiss me as an airhead...tt's really pathetic ;p i'm better off dead...i feel like sleeping for the rest of my life! :'(

Well, guess he's not the only one who has a LOW opinion of leechie =.=" when brian told me tt he's going to switch to property, i suggested tt he can join my uncle's property firm...n he actually thought tt i was referring to some fren's firm...think all these guys r under the impression tt leechie is a shallow n materialistic airhead who likes to hang around some loaded old uncles? =.=" when brian realized tt i was really referring to my real uncle n not some fren...he asked why didnt i join my uncle's firm myself...excuse moi, my uncle is my uncle...i'm me...totally no link...why should i join my uncle's property firm? o.O" btw, think brian is around the same age as my uncle...as with quite a few of my other frenz...so does tt automatically make me an uncle-magnet? o.O" anyway, i juz said politely tt i heard many ppl talking abt possible property crash...anyway, tt conversation was before the announcement of the latest property cooling measures...o.O

Btw, i juz realized tt brian didnt know my profession although i've known him for years! gosh...he actually asked me for my namecard (which i dont have a habit of bringing out)...not surprised tt he looked at me blankly when i tried to explain what i do...some stuff r juz too technical to explain to the layman o.O" anyway, it was cool to hang out with the guys...to hear their views on the mkts n phones n bitch abt gals...lol ;p Terence was saying tt som gal sitting opposite us was staring draggers at him...but she was too ugly...otherwise he would walk over to chat her up...lol ;p brian was more direct...he wanted to see gals in bikinis...lol...we miz the lunar eclipse as we stepped outta the restaurant...but there were plenty of ppl who came with huge telescopes! o.O"

Found an old pic of him online...brian was curious to see how he looks like but was rather polite to comment tt he looks intellectual (u can always trust brian to be diplomatic ya ;p)...lol...well, on the other hand, he seems to think tt he looks handsome...well, he said tt even if he were to die, he muz die handsome! o.O well, v.v.v.healthy self-esteem ya ;p btw, the reason y i wanna post my latest photoshoot here is to show everyone tt i can look good even without photoshop!!! o.O"

I'm still amused by those guys who think tt they r damn eligible n only actresses or lawyers r worthy enough to date them...what a joke...they shld go take a look at themselves in the mirror n their bank accounts n their shallow n materialistic hearts totally lacking in humanity as well as the other much more eligible guys around them ;p these guys shld take a good look at this news article...r they sure they can afford high-maintenance ladies? willing to fork out >$300k/month? ;p (http://www.plushasia.com/media_photo/12115)

"Socialite Jamie Chua settles divorce suit
The high profile divorce suit between socialite Jamie Chua and Indonesian tycoon Nurdian Cuaca was settled yesterday.

The couple came to a settlement under confidential terms following which a freeze on Mr Cuaca's $93 million worth of assets was lifted by the High Court yesterday.

Chua, 36, was seeking $450,000 a month in maintenance from Cuaca based on the previous standard of living with her husband."

Do think twice or thrice abt dating guys who r with u only for ur looks...these guys might not hang around u for long if u were to get into some accident or lose ur looks due to age...anyway, there will always be someone else who is younger n prettier...y waste time on shallow guys who cant accept u for the person tt u r? o.O i'm far from perfect n i'm insecure abt my looks but i'm who i'm...i'm sorry if u cant even accept tt simple fact! i'm more than juz a face...i know i have a strong personality...there is somthg between my ears...i'm an opinionated leech...n sometimes stubbornly loyal to the point which is beyond comprehension...but enough bitching abt my looks if u dont look better than me!!! so juz shut the hell up!!!

For those ppl who r still waiting for me to screw up my life ---> "Don't listen or think about anything other people say about you. Just live your life and prove them wrong."

Interesting Quotes:

"There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them."

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‘Comfortable with the face I’ve earned’, by Dr. Lee Wei Ling

"...I have said in this column before that I myself am aesthetically challenged, and I meant it in all honesty. But there was a time when I looked reasonably attractive – average, I would say. The past 10 years, however, have been somewhat unkind to me, and my current appearance reflects the health difficulties I have had.

Recently, I needed to get a new passport photograph. When I compared the new photograph with the one I took in 2001, I realised how much my face had aged.

I have put on 20lb (9kg) as instructed by my doctor. But my face is more angular and gaunt and I have prominent eye bags. In the 2001 photograph, I could easily have passed for a teenage boy. Now I look my age, or older than my age. No matter how short I cut my hair, I can no longer pass for a young androgynous teenager or man.

...When I scrutinise myself objectively in the mirror, I realise that the part of my face that has changed the most are my eyes. They are slanted and slit, closely resembling my father’s eyes in his old age. The lower part of my face looks angular and gaunt despite my weight gain, for most of my extra weight consists of muscle.

Recently, at the World Orchid Conference, two women separately asked me if I was Dr Lee. I asked the first woman who questioned me how she had guessed, since no recent photograph of me had appeared in the press. ‘You look like your father,’ she said.

I have not yet developed the ability to be totally detached from life's vicissitudes, but I have learnt to remind myself that desire of and attachment to worldly things bring suffering. I have this become fairly successful in curbing some of my attachments.

If I believed in reincarnation, then I would feel that I had many more lives to struggle through before I attained nirvana. But I don't believe in reincarnation, and I am convinced that I am a transient on this planet.

This means that if I don't want to suffer too much in this life, I must continually remind myself that while I should aspire to help other humans, I must also be willing to be detached when detachment is the only option.

I don't resent the misfortunes that fate has brought me. I accept them as lessons in life that only personal experience can teach. Indeed, I believe I am fortunate rather than unfortunate to have learnt these lessons.

...One small lesson I have learnt is that there is no purpose served in being attached to my face – or what used to be my face. George Orwell once wrote that after the age of 50, we all have the face we deserve. I, for one, am quite comfortable with the one I have earned."