How to Increase Your Likeability Without Losing Yourself

Saw this really good article that i would like to share with all my frenz here =)
(http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/NEWSLETTER%20ARTICLES/respect_love_from-%20men_women.html)

How to Increase Your Likeability Without Losing Yourself
By Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor

I think it's safe to say that we're so interconnected that we need each other to survive. But just how much have we given thought to what this really means? How much do we need others? How much do they need us? Why do we even have relationships?

The times I've had people tell me I am acting like "I don't need anyone/others" or called me the B-word, it's usually because the person feels that they've tried to be nice to me, tried to get my attention, tried to be my friend and basically tried everything but felt ignored, taken for granted, not appreciated etc.

I am not perfect, and sometimes I can come across as "I don't need anyone/others" but that is my "issue' to deal with, if it's even an issue. Sometimes, it's just the other person's "issue" and they need to deal with it.

When we need someone else's approval and validation as a measure of our own worth, we find ourselves constantly comparing ourselves to someone else, obsessed with what we are lacking, what we still need to do, where we've gone wrong/not measured up etc. In most part we're focused on our imperfections, faults, shortcomings, pain, mental anguish, struggles, rejection and all the things that affect our sense of worthiness, self-confidence, attractiveness or likeability.

We are always thinking about what others think about us and whether they like us or not. We get so caught up in everyone else's feelings and thoughts that we forget our own. And because our skills for detecting other's feelings and thoughts about us have been finely honed as a result of many years of practice, we are on a contact quest to favourably influence their feelings and thoughts. We're consumed by the need to "fit in", belong to the "in-crowd" and/or become the most popular person in the room.

And as long as we think and believe that others' feelings and thoughts about us are good, we feel worthy, attractive, liked, loved, wanted, popular etc. But when it looks like someone's feelings and thoughts about us are not favourable, we either go overboard trying to "fix" those feelings and thoughts to favour us or develop feelings of dislike for the person we think/believe "does not like us".

But here is the catch: even though we are acting out of genuine concern for how others feel and trying to make sure they feel liked, valued and wanted, our actions are "selfish" in away because it's something born out of self-preservation and not self-less love.

By constantly trying to make others feel good about themselves (worthy, attractive, likeable, wanted etc.) you are sub-consciously trying to control how the other person feels about you. You're trying to "fix" their feelings and thoughts to your favour by controlling how they think and feel. Many people especially those who are emotionally mature can sense when you're trying to "nice them up" -- a majority are put off by it.

Trying to make others feel good about themselves gives you purpose and sense of doing something valuable with yourself. And even though at times you feel you don't like all the work of trying to "be nice", you do it because it's the only way you know how to get others to reciprocate. When you feel really fed up and stop all the compliments, nice words and actions; the attention, affection and compliments from the other end dry up too.

Now you feel even more rejected, more unappreciated, more take for granted, more unworthy, unattractive, unlikeable, unwanted etc. You start disliking the person you thought liked you. Even worse, you blame all the other "not so nice people" who act like they don't need anyone/others but get all the attention, approval and validation that you feel you rightly deserve. You feel even more unhappy, frustrated and invisible!

For many people in relationships, the toll of trying to fix other people's thoughts and feeling to your favour does catch up with you in that you spend so much time "keeping it together" and very little time creating a relationship based on mutual liking and respect between equals. You feel ignored, unfairly treated, walked on and taken for granted because you feel that however much you give, and whatever you do, you're are still left feeling worthless, unattractive and unwanted.

But this is not the reason you feel invisible, hopeless and helpless, the real reason you feel unhappy, invisible, hopeless, helpless and frustrated is because you've given the power over your thoughts, feelings and actions to someone else. Without them to make you worthy, attractive and wanted, you feel like you are nothing. In fact you feel nothing -- numb, bored, sad, depressed, dead etc. You're nothing, a no-body!

How do you stop yourself from this constant craving for external approval, validation and elevation?

By going back to the basics -- Who are you without the need for anything outside of yourself?

It can take some time for you to discover you really are without anyone or anything to prop you up. In many African cultures, at 12 - 15 years of age, young men and women are sent on a self-quest journey with just water and little food. They are told to constantly hold on to the thought 'Who am I?'. If a negative thought comes to mind, ask oneself "Who said that is who I am?" Many young people are often surprised to find that what most of the things they think they are, are what people have said they are or have projected on them.

For some young people it takes days, other it takes hours but when the young man or woman comes come back, they are asked some very basic questions. If the answers are not satisfactory to the elders, the young person is sent back to "find yourself".

Part of this quest for self is the deepening of one's awareness to one's external environment. The young man or woman is encouraged to use all of their senses yet remain focused and aware of what is inside, underfoot, over the head, all around, as well as what may lie further on because one self is not limited to the physical body but extends and is connected to the universal energy (everyone and everything).

Once he or she finds him/herself, the young man or woman is required to "sacrifice" something that they very much value at that moment they "find yourself". It can be anything like the last bit of water or food they have left (and could be what they need to survive), or an object with deep emotional value such as a bracelet, bead necklace, sandals etc. This is a symbol that you've let go all external attachments because they mean nothing when you have "yourself".

So here are some questions for you.

1. Who are you without your family members, without a Bachelor's of Science and Master's of Science degrees, without a job, without what you've accomplished, without what you think others want you to be etc?.

2. Ask yourself, "If this is who I really am, why don't I have the ease/love/contentment/ belonging/joy/happiness/well being it implies?"

Asking yourself this particular question can lead you to a very painful past -- things that people have said you are or have projected on you.

If feelings of fear, sadness, hurt, and pain surface accept them and embrace them. It's the authentic, neglected, abandoned, rejected, ignored, repressed etc part of you talking to you. If tears come, let them roll, do not try to suppress or stop them. When you are ready they'll stop on their own. If laughter comes don't worry about how you look laughing, just laugh-softly and quietly, hard and loud, whatever comes. If feelings of anger surface, don't try and make them go away by blaming, excusing, or psychoanalyzing why you are angry, and who or what you are angry at. Just acknowledge that you are angry and that it is okay knowing that life isn't always fair, we don't always get what we want, that sometimes bad things happen to good people and sometimes you don't need to know why.

3. Then next thing is to answer the question, "From now forward, I will know I am not thinking, feeling or acting to my truest and deepest self when I am."

Take full responsibility for giving yourself the attention, affection, validation and everything else you want from others when you are trying to "fix" other people's feelings and thoughts to your favour or trying to able. "fit" in, belong to the "in-crowd" and become the most popular person in the room.

Feeling worthy, attractive, likeable, wanted etc. and actually having those inner feelings mirrored back to you by others is all about loving yourself enough to allow others to be who they are. A relationship - any relationship -- is nothing more than a mirror reflecting back to us who we are and where we're at in our life's journey. The mirror can't reflect back to us what isn't there.

Hopefully you'll find yourself; take back the power over your thoughts, feelings and actions; increase your likeability and start commanding attention, affection and respect -- without asking, demanding or begging for it.

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In response to this status:
"living in a biased n prejudiced society when everyone hates u...
It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not..."

dear frenz wrote:
"We, the unwilling,
led by the unknowing,
are doing the impossible
for the ungrateful.
We have done so much,
...for so long,
with so little,
we are now qualified to do anything
with nothing." ~ Sherwin

"I can only say this "Behind every successful person lies a pack of haters"" ~ Alan

"Love me or hate me...just show me the money!" ~ Kelvin

"From the founder of FB : something like this " You can't be a Billionaire without any enemy"....haha....something like that....cheers" ~ Peng Kong

Thx...u guys rock!!! B-)

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Interesting Quotes:

"Whatever dreams u have, whatever amazing idea u want to pursue, the reality of the world will always tell u NO, but thats the point, its up to u, and when u make that decision, it is yours, and your persistence will prevail in the end, if u have enough stamina!" ~ Ding An of Kallang Roar

"True love is when the one you love is happy with the one they love, & you still can smile & says, I'm happy when you're happy~ Love doesn't make the world go round but it is what makes the ride worthwhile~ If you want to change someone’s attitude, change & reflect upon your own 1st becos the same sun who melt the butter hardens the clay too~ Don’t focus too much on closed doors & lost sight of bright open windows~ ;)" ~ Mike

"How do you want to live your life? How do you want to play the game? Do you want to play in the big leagues or in the little leagues, in the majors or the minors? Are you going to play big or play small? It’s your choice." ~ Harv

""Predicting rain doesn't count, building arks does" ~ Warren Buffett. Always prepared with knowledge and resources so that you can capitalize when crisis or opportunity arises!"

"Understand that whether you're the CEO of a conglomerate or a fisherman in a remote village, or somewhere in between, you're an eternal BEING. And there is nothing to prove but to enjoy & move towards being your Greatest Self. It's not a competition nor a race. Start LIVING, stop CHASING. Breathe deeply, consciously & connect with your Central Self, your Real Self." ~ Helen Lee

"There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do." ~ Freya Stark

"Success is failure turned inside out.The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,and when you never can tell how close you are.It may be near when it seems a far;so stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit.It’s when things seem worst, you must not quit." ~ Edgar A. Guest (From the Poem "Don't Quit")

"没人能对你的幸福负责, 除了你自己. No one is in charge of your happiness except you."

"My strategy works well because it’s my strategy. I know the strengths and, more importantly, the weaknesses of what it is I do. It also works well because I allow it to work and stick with it even when it runs into difficult times. Nothing works well if you keep changing your approach. To be a master you must be a specialist, not a jack of all trades." ~ Mark Minervini

"You can’t hit a home run unless you step up to the plate. You can’t catch a fish unless you put your line in the water. You can’t reach your goals if you don’t try." ~ Kathy Seligman

"Some people make the world happen, more watch the world happen, most wonder what happened"

"Virtually anything you could ever want to be, have, or do is achievable with learning and hard work. Any system or blueprint for success is better than none at all. Think on paper." ~ Brian Tracy

"Communication is a skill that you can learn. It's like riding a bicycle or typing. If you're willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life." ~ Brian Tracy

‎"Take responsibility for how you're feeling, for your inner state. Your predominant thoughts & emotions affect your being & your life & will collectively create ALL experiences you go through, without exception. It's logical therefore to do everything you can to be happy. It's worthwhile therefore to take charge of how you respond to all situations. Choose JOY no matter what!" - Helen Lee
PS If you're grieving the loss of a loved one, you can do so fully & then shift into joy again. Celebrate LIFE! Basically, we can all feel fully whatever emotions that come up, in any variety of situations including horrific disasters; and we can then consciously choose to shift into joy or at least optimism to begin with, rather than stay in a state that doesn't serve us or others in a positive and productive way." ~ Helen Lee

"The question should be, is it worth trying to do, not can it be done."

"I met someone yesterday who told me she was afraid to study her BaZi chart because she was too afraid of what she might find out about herself. Someone like this may also be afraid of going to take a medical examination or see a doctor - fearing what the doctor might tell her about her health. Having a check-up , whether through your ...BaZi or through your doctor is merely seeking information. What you DO with the information after you receive it is more important.

I would suggest that one should strive to be a realist. A realist is not afraid to look at the (possible) harsh circumstances of life - and take action to resolve." ~ Joey

"One has to believe in herself to get over all the problem he/she going to face. Fengshui has provide a good guidance on how to deal along our life, but it is still up to one individual strenght to overcome his own destiny. For those out there, facing problems and solving problems is part of human lifes. That's what god create us for. I will be attending Joey's seminar in Penang 27th Feb. Lets meet and exchange ideas! Thanks to Joey's fengshui guidance which has change the thinking of handling my life."

"Take control over your environment and ensure that it's predominantly positive. A feeling of significance arises in you when you know that you are making a difference in the world."

"Most people are more comfortable with old problems than with new solutions." ~ Merry

"Anyone can memorize facts and figures. The real way to learn anything is to go out and experience it. Let your curiosity lead you." ~ Curious George

"When you let go of all resistance to changes, including the very changes & results you want, (& yet won't allow yourself to have for some reason/s), you'll be amazed at how much blocked energy you will be releasing! And joy, power, great health & all forms of abundance will be yours! It is really time to let go & be all that you can be! It is also easier to do so now than ever before. LET GO!" ~ Helen Lee

"sometimes the person u least expected, becomes the one person u need the most!"

"is it possible to find wealth without losing your soul?" Passion, Talent, Hard work!

"In life, sometimes there's not a right answer... but there's an infinite number of wrong answers, if that makes you feel any better."

"Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often."

"The worst part of winning a rat race is not that you win, but the fact that you're still a rat."

"I follow my own intelligence, and my conclusions don't have to be in agreement with anyone else's. But anybody who is intelligent, can see it too." ~ OSHO

"People will resist a sales presentation. But no one can resist a story... well told."

‎"I would rather live a short life of glory than a long one of obscurity." ~ Alexander the Great

"A beautiful life does not just happen, it is built daily by prayer, humility, sacrifice and love."

"When it's slow, trade it slow, when it's quick, trade it quick and when it's not moving, go to the gym."

"We are continually faced by great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."

"Virtually anything you could ever want to be, have, or do is achievable with learning and hard work. Any system or blueprint for success is better than none at all. Think on paper."

"In the end ... it's not the years in your life that counts. It is the LIFE in your years that matters most."

"Some people told me I'm a Dreamer.. Yeah I am. Because a Life without a dream, like a guiter without strings"

"To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform." ~ Theodore H. White

"Forgiveness does not change the past but it will certainly change your future. Forgive someone today."

"Hard truths - all truths are hard to accept. That's why most people choose to suppress the truth, live with half truths & accept lies as truths" ~ Joshua

"There are several different aspects of courage: “Perhaps the most important is the courage to endure, to persist, to ‘hang in there’ in the face of doubt, uncertainty and criticism from others. Courage comes from acting courageously on a day-to-day basis. Your personal-development goal should be to practice the behaviors of a totally fearless person until you become, in your own mind, unstoppable.”" ~ Brian Tracy

"It's not about who you know, it's what they know about you"

"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." ~ Christopher Morley

"It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not..."

‎"The game is my wife; it demands loyalty & responsibility & it gives me back fulfillment & peace." ~ Michael Jordan

"If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one." ~ Dolly Parton

"The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure."

‎"If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

‎"My principle is to survive first and make money afterwards." ~ George Soros

"Luxury must be comfortable, otherwise it is not luxury" ~ Coco Chanel

"If you must play, decide on three things at the start: the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time"

"‎4 main reasons a girl will stop texting u: 1.u got her mad. 2.u got boring. 3.She fell asleep. 4.You said e letter 'K'."

"If a girl is stupid enough to love you after you broke her heart, I guarantee you, she is the one. Don't let her go."

"U can't make the whole world happy, so just make yourself happy"

"Happiness is a choice! Happiness is a habit! Happiness is a practice, not a philosophy! To be happy, you need to master your mind! Your mind affects your feelings, your feelings affect your beliefs and your beliefs affect the truths and the truths affect your reality!"

"Happiness is one of the choices many of us forget we can choose."

"PHILOSOPHY: A study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently."

"Life doesn't just happen to you; you receive everything in your life based on what you've given." ~ Lil Twist

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path." ~ Morpheus

“When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, an
hundred.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

‎"The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you.” ~ Lost in Translation

‎"The fashionable woman wears clothes. The clothes don't wear her."

"Whenever you feel uncomfortable, instead of retreating back into your old comfort zone, pat yourself on the back and say, “I must be growing,” and continue moving forward." ~ Harv

"The future is not something we enter. The future is something we create."

‎"If you have no successful role model for what you want to do, then look at what everybody else is doing and do the opposite." ~ Earl Nightingale

"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives."

“If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything.”

"Success is not measured by what you accomplish but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds." ~ Orison Swett Marden

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

"A champion is someone who gets up, even when he can't."

‎"Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity" ~ Albert Einstein

The future is not something we enter. The future is something we create."

‎"If you have no successful role model for what you want to do, then look at what everybody else is doing and do the opposite." ~ Earl Nightingale

"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives."

"I want someone that would come in my life on accident and stays on purpose."

"Age is a matter of feeling, not of years."

"It matters more what's in a woman's face than what's on it."

"Character is both developed and revealed by tests, and all of life is a test. You are always being tested." ~ Rick Warren

"When one hits the rock bottom, the only way left is up. Make the trip worthwhile & share some experiences, cos when one goes up, one tends to forget.. "

‎"While A students become academics, C students become billionaires". ~ Former US Treasury Secretary and Harvard University President Professor Larry Summers

“Willpower is the key to success. Successful people strive no matter what they feel by applying their will to overcome apathy, doubt or fear.” ~ Dan Millman

"There is only one success — to be able to spend your life in your own way."

"Never long for anyone from the past. There is a reason why they never made it to your future."

"A little girl seeks revenge. A real woman moves on while karma does the dirty work."

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." ~ Helen Keller

"You are the best judge of your own life. Choose your path and choose it wise. Whatever the case is, good or bad. Just Follow Your Heart :)"

“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted ” ~ Einstein

"Tip of today? Give people the benefit of doubt and live a little. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter much. Remember, those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. After all, Dr. Suess is never wrong."

"Experts learn to perceive things that are invisible to novices, such as the characteristics of a typical situation." ~ Gary Klein

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing." ~ George Bernard Shaw

“Think like a man of action, and act like a man of thought.” ~ Henri L. Bergson

"Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher."

"Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." ~ Howard Thurman

"If you can't solve a problem, it's because you are playing by the rules."

"It's right to be wrong."

"If you cant change the world, change yourself."

"I don't think trading strategies are as vulnerable to not working if people know about them, as most traders believe. If what you are doing is right, it will work even if people have a general idea about it. I always say you could publish rules in a newspaper and no one would follow them. The key is consistency and discipline." ~ Richard Dennis

"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love."

“Hope is not a strategy. Luck is not a factor. Fear is not an option.” ~ James Cameron

"Start writing a new chapter, for if you live by the book you'll never make history." ~ Ben Sobel

"Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.” ~ Will Smith

"Behind every successful person lies a pack of haters"

"Love me or hate me...just show me the money!"

"抓住男人的不二法門，應該就是.........
.............就是讓他心靈滿足與精神上快樂。物質上的快樂比不上精神上的快樂與滿足。人真正的快樂來自於自己的心靈, 只要心靈滿足, 那也可以領悟出真正的快樂。所以要抓住男人, 首先就要學會懂男人的心。因為英文有句名言曰 "Bliss to women who read men’s mind" 懂男人的女人最幸福。不論男人或女人, 要找到一個值得愛的人，首先讓自己成為一個值得被愛的人。相愛.. 相知... 相惜... 懂得珍惜的人才會擁有幸福。這只是我~ 王瑋軒的想法。" ~ Jeff

"偶尔要回头看看，否则永远都在追寻，而不知道自己失去了什么。从中而学会珍惜."

"如果看不開,很多東西都會變得沒有顏色."

‎"喜欢一个人， 一定要让对方知道。也许得不到答案，至少你努力过，不必后悔。你喜欢着谁？"

"一个单身人久了，就不想去恋爱，会感觉朋友越来越重要；一个单身人久了，就不想去逛街，会越来越喜欢在家听歌；一个人单身久了，就变得成熟起来，会比以前越来越爱父母；一个人单身久了，就买很多鞋子，会独自去很多很远的地方旅游； 一个人单身久了，就不经意悄悄流泪，会在众人面前什么都无所谓。"

"爱女友六大守则 - 1，女友绝对不会有错。 2，如果发现女友有错，一定是我看错。 3，如果我没看错，一定是我的错，才害女友犯错。 4，如果是她自己的错，只要她不认错，她就没有错。5， 如果女友不认错，我还坚持她有错，那就是我的错。 6，总之，女友绝对不会有错。这句话绝对不会错。"

"人世间最幸福的事情，莫过于你暗恋得死去活来的时候，发现这个人原来也爱着你。。。"

"其实，爱不是寻找一个完美的人。而是，要学会用完美的眼光，欣赏一个并不完美的人。"

"女人没魅力才觉得男人花心，男人没实力才觉得女人现实！"

"朋友不开心的时候，你只需要静静地坐在他身边，即使什么也不说，他也会感觉好很多很多……"

"人生没有如果，只有后果和结果。"

"爱一个女孩子，与其为了她的幸福而放弃她，不如留住她，为她的幸福而努力。"

"一个女人一定要有自己过好日子的能力，要有别人没法拿走的东西，这很重要。"

"一个人的情人节，给自己写一封情书，告诉自己有多可爱；一个人的情人节，给自己放一首老歌，重温那些逝去的岁月；一个人的情人节，陪自己看一部电影，让自己做一回主角；一个人的情人节，给心灵放一天假，告诉自己也要快乐；一个人的情人节，做一回自己的情人，好好爱自己一回……"

"其实爱对了人,情人节每天都过 ♥ "

"Real girls aren’t perfect. Perfect girls aren’t real. - 真实的女孩不完美，完美的女孩不真实。"

Crapz...now i know what ppl mean when they call me “美女” =.=" kns!
"女人说一女人“美女”，那只说明那人长得很普通；“大美女”，那只是说明她们关系好；“很可爱”，那说明长得难看；“人很好”，说明长得很胖；“身材好”，说明那女人是竹竿；“没朋友，很孤立”，那女人绝对男人眼中的美女！“没气质”，说明那女人除了漂亮，身材还很好！"

Damn touching clip...dont wait till it's too late!!!


Damn touching QQ ad o.O
Cherish time spent with our parents ya...dont wait till it's too late!!!