Tears rolled down my leechie face as i read the following...guess such guys could b almost extinct in today's context! :'( n the ironic thing was that silly me didnt realize tt this gentleman is actually one of my fb frenz until he replied to my posting!!! o.O" rem what i wrote abt how many guys tend to judge u based on ur looks...n wont hang around u for long if anything were to happen to u or if u were to lose ur looks? =.=" anyway, many guys these days can be self-centred n r nice to u only if u do certain things for them...we r living in a practical society afterall...only our parents' love for us is unconditional...anything else tt a guy says or does for u could possibly come with a condition! =.=
Thx for those new year party invitations...but those who really know me would know tt i dont go out to party on every new year's eve...i'll stay in to write my long list of new year resolutions...i know i dont have a life...but tt's me...lol...have fun everyone...dont bother abt me...
What a fren said after reading abt this true story:
"It takes her alot of courage to share about her illness and it takes him alot of courage to take her as his wife given her medical condition. Giving and not really asking anything back in return. This is unconditional love. Their story blesses my heart!"
As Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, says: "People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life."
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"When a man loves a woman
By Deborah Choo
After their first three dates, his girlfriend told him an astonishing piece of news that changed his life forever.
It was a "dark secret", 61-year old Raymond Anthony Fernando remembered of what his then-girlfriend Doris Lau Siew Lang told him almost three decades back.
I am schizophrenic, she had told him.
If that was not surprising enough, she also told him that she was a patient at the Institute of Mental Health, otherwise known as Woodbridge Hospital in the 60s.
Yet, the secret she guarded so carefully — one that scared away all her previous boyfriends upon hearing — finally stood the test of one man's faith and love for her.
Raymond, a Singaporean whose heritage is part Eurasian and part Sri Lankan, listened as Doris poured her heart out about her past and her condition.
Schizophrenia is a group of psychotic disorders characterised by disturbances in thought, perception, affectation, behaviour and communication lasting longer than six months.
At the onset, because there was little public awareness on schizophrenia, Doris' symptoms of headaches, insomnia, a loss of appetite and even being delusional sometimes worried her family.
They believed she was charmed, and brought her to a medium instead. The delay worsened her condition. It had escalated to a point when she harbored suicidal thoughts. Back then in the 60s, a relative who worked in IMH heard of her unexplainable illness and recommended Doris to be warded. Her condition finally stabilised.
Instead, after hearing what she said, the freelance television actor and motivational speaker asked her, "Will you marry me?"
"I was deeply moved by her sincerity and her caring nature. I had dated many girls, but Doris was very down to earth… Doris is a very timid person and I decided I wanted to give her a better life, so I asked for her hand in marriage," Raymond told this writer.
The couple tied the knot in 1974.
This year, the couple celebrate their 37-year anniversary.
Doris is still battling with schizophrenia and as of five years ago, arthritis as well. As for Raymond, he too has diabetes, high cholesterol and cataract.
Challenges of caring
Medical costs aside, Raymond revealed that the road is tough to say the least. He used to struggle between juggling work and caring for his wife.
In 1995, under tremendous amount of stress, he attempted suicide.
In retrospect, he said, "I deeply regret taking that route — imagine what would happen to Doris if I had not survived."
"It's still very tough," Raymond admitted. "But I have to stay and remain strong for Doris. She needs me badly."
The couple had unfortunately lost their only two children — one through a miscarriage and the other through an abortion. In the latter case, the couple made that decision as Doris would have to get off the drugs that would affect the foetus.
The devout Catholic relies on his faith to get by. He left his 31-year job as a public relations officer in October and is now working from home as a writer to earn income to pay their bills.
Caring for his wife turned him into an advocate for the mentally ill.
"It's been extremely tough for her as Doris' sole caregiver, especially when the support structure for caregivers of the mentally ill is clearly lacking — something which I have been fighting for, for decades."
But Raymond never regretted taking her as his wife.
"No, I will not ever walk away from taking care of Doris because of one simple reason — I love her deeply," he said
Raymond handles all the household chores and finances while maintaining his writing jobs and caring for his wife. The last job entails taking her to numerous medical appointments at Tan Tock Seng Hospital, IMH and polyclinics monthly and ensuring she religiously takes her medication — 52 tablets a daily. He visits the same hospital for his eye treatment.
Although her schizophrenia is now stabilised, Raymond reveals that it may relapse anytime. "The symptoms of her arthritis condition caused her to be in tremendous physical pain in all her joints that left her mobility severely impaired. In severe pain, it can trigger a relapse of her mental illness," he said.
Doris had suffered a relapse before so he and the doctors are carefully monitoring her condition.
Symptoms
Raymond reveals how the symptoms first develops. He usually first notices physical tell-tale signs such as the white of her eyes turning slightly blue, and much dandruff appearing on her scalp.
At the beginning, Doris would become uncannily quiet and fearful. "The slightest noise will affect her," Raymond said. Over time, she tends to become increasingly anxious and begins hallucinating. While she is not violent, her husband said, Doris cries when she hears buzzing in her ears and voices telling her to do "strange" things.
"There were occasions when I had to sleep with the house keys under my pillow as she would wake up in the middle of the night and attempt to go downstairs to the void deck. She believed that her mother was waiting for her downstairs. But her mother had already passed away," Raymond said sadly.
Traumatic experiences such as the loss of their children, Raymond's and the loss of her mother haunts her as well.
The breaking point is when Doris begins talking about suicide. That is when Raymond is left with no choice but to admit her into hospital.
"On most occasions, she would have to undergo ECT ( electro convulsive therapy). This is where mild current is applied to the brain every 4 seconds to stabilize her. Most of the time, she requires at least six shots of ECT. It is an extremely painful period for me," he said. She may require another knee operation should her medications fail.
Despite all these, while he acknowledges that it is an uphill task to care for her as her arthritis condition worsens, he is prepared to fight this battle for he and his beloved wife.
"If there's one thing you can say to your wife now, what would you say?" this reporter asked.
"If schizophrenia is part of your life, then it must certainly be part of my life. I don't necessarily like what the illness does to you, but it is you who I love. And that will always be the guiding, motivating force of my life, Doris.""
(http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/man-loves-woman-004953242.html)
Interesting Quotes:
"True friendship isn’t being inseparable its being separate and nothing changes"
"We all wear masks, metaphorically speaking.
We suppress the id, our darkest desires and adopt a more socially acceptable image.
To attain true happiness, we must first learn to take off that mask."
"Being respectful (nice) to people who treat you like a dog and instead treat those who treat you well, like a dog (disrespectful/taking for granted) makes people think you are a dog." ~ Colin
"Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth."
"Remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends."
"Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you."
"We will open the new book.
Its pages are blank.
We are going to put words on them ourselves.
The book is called Opportunity
and
its first chapter is New Year's Day."
"To be frank, there is no difference between NYE and New Year's day. It is the same because you and your circumstances didn't change overnight. You will have the same stresses, worries, problems as the day before. What changes is IF you have decided on having Hope and Positivity moving forward, and expressed the willingness to do something to change yourself, your mindset and do something about your circumstances, then the New Year will change for you because YOU control yourself first. The other things you leave in God's hands, Karma and Fate. Good luck for 2012!" ~ Conrad
"I look back at the risks I took, the uncharted course I set upon myself, the trust I gave and was broken by the closest of friends, the uncertainty of new ventures, the pain of realising my efforts will not reap a harvest so soon and I realise it is all a part of the process called LIFE. I grabbed it with two hands and wasn't afraid to try. I tried it. And it grew me. Success is not just measured by the number of zeroes in your bank account but by the experiences life gives you. So I encourage all those with dreams to pursue them and those who do not succeed at first to stay the course and find yourself. You have but one life. Don't waste it on mediocrity. Happy New Year, everyone!" ~ Conrad
"(Thumbs Down) People who ignore their friends because they have relationships."
When people ignore their friends because they have relationships, they say to their friends that in fact they are not friends at all. True enough, sometimes it is hard when we first fall in love with someone to even think about spending time away from our lover and with our friends instead, but we must never forget the importance of maintaining all of our relationships. A true friend should be treated as a true friend.
Most true friends will be happy that you are in a relationship that makes you happy, but if they are someone that you truly love and care about it is imperative that you make at least some time to spend with them. Though they may be lower on your priority list, they are still on your priority list; you should treat them as such. Never ignore your friends because you have a relationship."
"When we are insecure about situations, in actuality we are holding on to some experience(s) that caused us tremendous anguish earlier in our lives to the point of where we don't want to allow a situation or relationship of similar magnitude to take place again. In order to get past our insecurities we must first get rid of the mindset of living in our past.
Just because you weren't good enough for something then, doesn't mean that you are not good enough now, just because you weren't able to accomplish something then, doesn't mean that you won't accomplish it now. Let go of your pain, and believe in the fact that the only limits that bind you, are those limits that you place on yourself. We are all perfect people with perfect imperfections. Remember to not only enjoy your life but to take advantage of the opportunities that life presents to you as well. Live every day as if it could be your last!"
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