Lychees From Leechie: In Pursuit of Success

Many thots ran thru my leechie mind as i read the following article o.O i guess we r competitive beings living in a very practical society where peer comparison is considered a societal norm...i muz admit that i do get the same feelings whenever i read abt some peers' achievements in the press...n i always wonder abt the "what if" scenarios...until a fren was telling me that some ppl get so absorbed in the "what if"s n nvr really live their lives! @.@" if u r juz like me...who occasionally indulged in the "what if"s...rem that life is short n we only live once! since we only live once...we might as well make the best outta it...n not hav any regrets ya! ppl always say that most ppl hav lesser regrets doing the things that they shouldnt do than not doing the things that they thot of doing n nvr did!

In pursuit of success

By Sumiko Tan

Do you feel a twinge whenever you discover that someone you went to school with has become very successful or is, at least, more successful than you are?

A twitch of envy perhaps?

A tug of regret that life hasn't dealt you an equally good hand?

An irritation, almost, with the person's good fortune?

Then a ruefulness because you know in your heart that it's probably not fate that brought him his success but hard work, and you realise you've got only yourself to blame for not being as successful?

Which brings on something akin to self-reproach?

And then embarrassment for allowing yourself to think such petty thoughts?

I felt a bit of all that last week when I flipped open The Straits Times and found myself staring at someone whose face and name rang a bell.

The person had made headlines for an achievement in the corporate world.

It took me a while but I finally figured out that I was in school with him.

Wow, I thought, he sure has gone far in life. I was impressed.

I wondered what he had done all these years to get to that stratified position.

I also wondered - rather churlishly, I must admit - what qualities he has that I don't.

Was he smarter than me? More eloquent? Possessed more street smarts? More diligence? Had more perseverance? Blessed with good timing? Had a mentor?

Maybe it was all of the above.

It wasn't the first time this had happened.

Over the years, I've read newspaper reports of former school mates who are topping, or have topped, the various professional fields they have chosen in life.

(There have also been those who made the news for the wrong reasons - like getting on the wrong side of the law - but it's human nature, isn't it, for us to compare ourselves with those who are better off than those who are worse?)

Some have done very well in the arts. Others have made waves in the worlds of finance, business, academia, the military and other branches of the civil service.

Unless the person had been especially obnoxious to me in the past, I'll feel happy for him. He must be pleased to have got so far and I'm glad he's happy.

There's a bit of pride too, though it is pride-by-association, which is misplaced and pathetic, I know.

You feel proud to have known this now-successful person - however vaguely or fleetingly - and this endows you with bragging rights.

You tell anyone who is interested (usually no one is) that you had gone to school with that person. You act as if just knowing him makes his awesome achievements somehow a reflection on you - which they aren't, of course.

But then, you start comparing yourself with him, and that's when it becomes disquieting.

You think of the classes and teachers you shared and you wonder how he ended up at the top of the heap and you, if not quite at the bottom, in the middle somewhere.

Education-wise (and education does count for a lot in how you end up in life), you both had the same start. Yet he must have been so much cleverer than you to have gone so far.

It makes you ponder your lot and question your abilities, priorities and self-worth. His success makes you re-evaluate your life. Yup, it sure brings on the angst, even though your rational mind tells you that it's pointless to compare.

There will always be somebody smarter and better in some way than yourself and, if you start comparing with the best and getting upset by it, you may as well not bother getting up in the morning.

Of course, how much another person's success affects you depends on what and how you define the term 'success'.

Because I place so much weight on my professional life, news about the former school mate's success in the corporate world made me re-examine my own career.

'Success' for me equals job success so, yes, his gain felt a bit like my loss. I felt inadequate in contrast, at least for an hour or so before I snapped out of it.

But if that school mate had made the news for acing areas I have no interest or inclination in, I'd just be happy for him and leave it at that.

If he had broken the record for an Ironman triathlon, for example, I'd merely salute him.

If he had written a best-selling song or directed an acclaimed play or excelled in the field of physics - areas I am not interested in - it'll be just another interesting story of someone I once knew.

If it had been a woman and she was being feted by the media for being the world's most dedicated stay-at-home mum and for baking the prettiest cupcakes, I'd say congratulations and good luck. These are not things I spend time thinking about.

But one's concept of success is not cast in stone. It changes as you age.

When I entered journalism after school, 'success' for me meant getting as many bylines as I could into the newspaper, better still if it was a byline on the front page.

'Success' meant being chosen to cover overseas ministerial trips, and it meant winning writing awards.

All these 'achievements' might seem trivial to others, not worth losing sleep over, but it meant everything to me then.

In my 30s, my definition expanded. I was still hungry to do well at work, and 'success' now also meant being able to acquire material things with the money I made.

But I started to hanker for 'success' in the personal realm too. I wanted to ace it when it came to relationships. I wanted to be part of a 'successful' couple.

Alas, I didn't come up tops in the love stakes. In fact, compared to people around me who went on to get married and start happy families, I failed utterly, miserably. I got an F9. But it was okay, I didn't really mind.

Now that I'm in my 40s, I'm beginning to frame 'success' in life in other terms.

No, I haven't quite lost my professional ambitions, not yet. Witnessing the corporate achievements of my peers still clearly brings on a competitive twitch in me.

But I'm more determined to balance that with doing well on the home front too.

And in my book - for we all have different definitions - success in my personal life now means peace of mind, a constant state of low-grade contentment rather than periodic episodes of extreme happiness, and a sense of settledness.

Will I ever attain it?

One can only hope, and time will tell.

sumiko@sph.com.sg

This article was first published in The Straits Times. (http://news.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20100531-219369.html)

Update: I was really v.touched when i read abt how Sumiko has found her soulmate n is settling down v.soon! Congrats!!! Singapore's most famous bachelorette has finally found her true love! =)

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"There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." - Nelson Mandela

“A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.” - John Barrymore

"You have to be yourself. Be very honest about who and what you are.
And if people still like you, that's great. If they don't, that's their
problem." - Sting (b. 1951)

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt

"Only that which cannot be taken away by death is real. Everything else is unreal, it is made of the same stuff dreams are made of." -Osho

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that
you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover" - Mark Twain, author

"Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world"

"The wealthiest people in the world didn’t get to where they are by doing what everybody else does."

"Time is like a river. u cannot touch the same water twice, bcos the flow tt has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life."

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Interesting comment tt i saw on a blog:
"Wealth Journey said...
Most degree holders will be able to earn a million dollars within their lifetime with many earning more. Anyway, the new benchmark for being considered rich is >USD$10mil. $1mil just don't cut it anymore (in Singapore at least).

The more relevant question would be what is your networth and how much income can you generate from your networth to sustain your living. No point having $1mil and putting it into a sgd deposit and you keep drawing down from it."
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Update: Gosh...with sooooooooo many sales going on...leechie is super undecided abt what i wanna get manz @.@" somhow i feel tt the items on sale in the boutiques dont look tt nice as compared to the new arrivals/classic ones...i'm so in love with the new arrivals at prada...the pink bags r sooooooooo pretty! <3 ---="" assistant="" at="" bling="" boutique="" boyish="" btw="" but="" caught="" checking="" couple="" cutie="" earring="" him="" himself="" in="" looks="" mirror="" of="" out="" p="" prada="" really="" sales="" the="" times="" with=""> vainpot -.-" my fren was telling me tt most of those cutie prada sales assistants r mostly gays! -.-"

there were such long q-s outside the boutiques manz...havent even managed to get into miu miu before closing -.-" but the Gucci security was better...leechie managed to get in there, after i talked to him abit n he actually chased some others before me away ;p

watched "SATC2" with a group of frenz tonite =) leechie feels honored to hav fren flying in from HK to grace my event! =D this movie's good...there were 2 touching scenes whereby my tears juz rolled down automatically...good thing tt i was sitting at the back n nobody saw tt o.O"

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Cool Billionaire song B-) c'mon...admit it... "I wanna be a billionaire so Fu***ing bad...Buy all of the things I never had." ;p