Joey Yap's Ultimate FengShui Blueprint For Insanely Successful Business Workshop

I was initially confused regarding the timing of this workshop cos the time in the sms that i received is different from that printed on my tix. N i got worried when the hotel staff told me there ain't any booking made under JY or Mastery Academy when i called. But everythg was resolved when I posted my query on Joey's fb page. Fb rocks! Lol

Joey covered v. Interesting but useful biz concepts which he later linked to FengShui. He mentioned abt how many successful ppl usually tend to link their success to passion n how many unsuccessful ppl attributed their lack of success to how they haven't found their passion yet. His real life example: he first developed an interest in FengShui then became good at it. N that's when he found his passion in it. N he made a conscious choice to turn it into a biz. So first we have To start somewhere n first develop an interest in something first. N when u become better at doing it, passion n money will follow...it's abt creating our passion!

Joey said that noblemen will bring u insights n can enlighten n show us impt principles to succeed. But we have to develop ourselves so that we will b ready to ask the right questions when we meet our noblemen! Well, that is a v. Good reminder for me! Btw, he said noblemen can piss us off but helped us to realize certain things. Then I started to think abt my life...that asshole conman that I met last yr actually has my nobleman star. He broke my heart but made me realize stuff abt myself too. N I was forced to grow up in those few months. Learnt that I shldnt b so naive n trusting n how i shld nvr let others take advantage of my kindness. In fact, I'm not sure if I can easily trust new ppl that I meet anymore...

He said there's a difference between fulfillment n happiness. Fulfillment is abt ur ability to contribute n personal growth. N Need will always come before want. So ask if ur biz is a vitamins or aspirin biz?

Interesting quotes from Joey:

"If u think like what 95% of the ppl r thinking, u will b poor like them! Look at what poor ppl do n don't do it!"

"As long as u have a namecard, u r an employee!"

He talked abt how the various sectors of the home represent diff stuff n how u can redefine ur biz. For example, the southwest sector represents sustainability n class n elegance n property n wealth which cannot b described. Joey poked fun of those ladies who can't pronounce Hermes correctly. (Well, it's french...i attended one french class in uni...my humble bitchy advice for those ladies: perhaps they can ask their french frenz how to pronounce Hermes correctly? lol) Well, i totally agree with Joey that money can't buy class. i saw this quote on fb: "Never sacrifice your class to get even with someone who has none. Let them have the gutter. You take the high road!" Rem what I always say? I like classy stuff n that include men. Lol. My bedroom happens to be in the southwest so it's not surprising ya? Lol

It was a day well spent with plenty of insights. This workshop is really interesting n I would highly recommend it to anyone who is thinking of attending it in future. But I'm not sure if Joey would still be the trainer for the next one? Btw, I was telling a fren the other day that there r so many FengShui masters n mistresses in sg. If I wanna learn, I might as well learn from someone who is successful in both fengshui n biz! Btw, there r ppl who think Joey come across as arrogant. But to me, it's confidence n That confidence is v. Attractive. Lol

PS: Btw, I got my doubt clarified. Bazi is based on the solar calendar. but I don't think the latest changes he made to his bazi profiling software captured mine accurately. Btw, Joey was careful not to anyhow point his laser pointer into the audience today. I'm not sure if he read what I wrote here previously. But i was merely providing constructive feedback. Lol. N I was close enough to see that he wasn't wearing any makeup today. Lol...again, i noticed that ppl r searching for details of Joey's gf on my leechie blog...no such juicy gossip here...i'm sorry...

Fb exchange with Joey:

"It doesn’t really matter how fast you are going if you’re heading in the wrong direction." ~ Joey Yap

"How? o.O" ~ leechie

"Being aware is in fact the first step to change . Without awareness of the problem, you cannot change. Fixing it is a matter of turning around and then proceeding in the right direction." ~ Joey

"but if u find urself stuck in the far end of the wrong direction ler...then there is internal resistance to turn back to move in the other direction cos u dunno if the other direction is right for u? cos there may b more than 1 direction that u can take...then how? o.O" ~ leechie

" Tono Leechie - haha How? the choice is either continue on the wrong path and endure the pain and consequences, or turn back and at least try a different path with hope of improving. You may not know if the new path is right for you, but at least you know the current path you take is definitely not the right one. the wise thing to do is to stop and turn back." ~ Joey

" i know im stuck in somthg that i dont like...but i dunno what i like...i need more courage to explore...thx Joey" ~ leechie

"i put it in ;short for you..."cut loss in whatever you are doing not right".... dont get caught in a maze ... going round round.." ~ Thousands Tee

"you are paying for people to create a suspension that never give you answers... might well decide after doing your sum ,from where you fall and start from there... right or wrong.. no one to blame..." ~ Thousands Tee

"This is a story worth reading : 

(Joey's comments below) 

Ang Lee: A Never Ending Dream

"In 1978, as I applied to study film at the University of Illinois, my father vehemently objected. He quoted me a statistic: ‘Every year, 50,000 performers compete for 200 available roles on Broadway.’ Against his advice, I boarded a flight to the U.S. This strained our relationship. In the two decades following, we exchanged less than a hundred phrases in conversation.

Some years later, when I graduated film school, I came to comprehend my father’s concern. It was nearly unheard of for a Chinese newcomer to make it in the American film industry. Beginning in 1983, I struggled through six years of agonizing, hopeless uncertainty. Much of the time, I was helping film crews with their equipment or working as editor’s assistant, among other miscellaneous duties. My most painful experience involved shopping a screenplay at more than thirty different production companies, and being met with harsh rejection each time.

That year, I turned 30. There’s an old Chinese saying: ‘At 30, one stands firm.’ Yet, I couldn’t even support myself. What could I do? Keep waiting, or give up my movie-making dream? My wife gave me invaluable support.

My wife was my college classmate. She was a biology major, and after graduation, went to work for a small pharmaceutical research lab. Her income was terribly modest. At the time, we already had our elder son, Haan, to raise. To appease my own feelings of guilt, I took on all housework – cooking, cleaning, taking care of our son – in addition to reading, reviewing films and writing scripts. Every evening after preparing dinner, I would sit on the front steps with Haan, telling him stories as we waited for his mother – the heroic huntress – to come home with our sustenance (income).

This kind of life felt rather undignified for a man. At one point, my in-laws gave their daughter (my wife) a sum of money, intended as start-up capital for me to open a Chinese restaurant – hoping that a business would help support my family. But my wife refused the money. When I found out about this exchange, I stayed up several nights and finally decided: This dream of mine is not meant to be. I must face reality.

Afterward (and with a heavy heart), I enrolled in a computer course at a nearby community college. At a time when employment trumped all other considerations, it seemed that only a knowledge of computers could quickly make me employable. For the days that followed, I descended into malaise. My wife, noticing my unusual demeanor, discovered a schedule of classes tucked in my bag. She made no comment that night.

The next morning, right before she got in her car to head off to work, my wife turned back and – standing there on our front steps – said, ‘Ang, don’t forget your dream.’

And that dream of mine – drowned by demands of reality – came back to life. As my wife drove off, I took the class schedule out of my bag and slowly, deliberately tore it to pieces. And tossed it in the trash.

Sometime after, I obtained funding for my screenplay, and began to shoot my own films. And after that, a few of my films started to win international awards. Recalling earlier times, my wife confessed, ‘I’ve always believed that you only need one gift. Your gift is making films. There are so many people studying computers already, they don’t need an Ang Lee to do that. If you want that golden statue, you have to commit to the dream.’

And today, I’ve finally won that golden statue. I think my own perseverance and my wife’s immeasurable sacrifice have finally met their reward. And I am now more assured than ever before: I must continue making films.

You see, I have this never-ending dream."

(Following Ang Lee’s second Best Directing win at the Academy Awards last night, this beautiful essay resurfaced. Here is my translation of Ang Lee’s words, written in 2006 (post-Oscar win). Please credit the translation to Irene Shih (and to this blog), thank you!)

========================== 

Ang Lee has an ARTIST PROFILE. He managed to maximize the potential of his chart. Maximizing one's fullest potential require perseverance, focus and commitment. 

Many people have great BaZi Charts. But not many are able to maximize their life potential. Some are not even aware of their talents!! Awareness is the first step towards positive changes. 

From Ang Lee's chart - his wife star (Ding Fire) is his nobleman and favorable element. Hence the wife is instrumental in his success in life."

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Millionaire Asia (March Issue)

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"Don't abdicate your power, Be in control of your life."

Date : 1 Mar 2013 

by Grace Lai 

Joey Yap believes that everybody can be successful. "Every single one of them can be successful. I don't think anyone is born to be poor, suffer and live in misery. It's up to you to live your life. You decide whether you want to change your life," he asserted. This man, who at the very young age of 26 became a self-made millionaire, believes that success is not what you have. It is, in his words, "who you become". "Be a better vision of yourself. Don't be trapped by your destiny," he added.

His feats run a mile long and celebrated as he is, there is no need for a repeat of his resume. One thing he is very clear on is that he does not predict the future. "I am not a fortune teller. This subject has always been shrouded in mystery when in fact it's very basic and not as complicated as people think. I look at charts, at a person's destiny and find the options that allow that person to be the most successful he or she can be. In consultations, I tell you your option and show you the path. It is then up to you to take the steps and follow the path to your success."

Debunking "fortune telling"

"Predicting the future is divination. We don't do that. We make an intelligent decision based on options we look for from a person's "Ba Zi" (Ba Zi, 八字, Eight Characters, is a sophisticated art based largely on the Chinese five-element theory, allowing one to investigate the potential and mysteries of a person's life using his or her birth data) and charts. It's about life transformation and looking for the key to change in one's life," Joey shared. Taking MillionaireAsia's ultra high net worth readers as an example, Joey said, "Wealthy people are very often successful. Why? It's because they make sure that all risks are taken into consideration and calculated. That's what we do. We calculate risks and present the best option suitable for a specific individual at that specific time. People think that this is a very special field; they think it's difficult to learn. It's exactly the same as any other."

"Talents are gifts and they can be discovered early in life or later in life. It requires training, honing, improving and transferring. It's about discovery and development. To become good at Feng Shui is not about talent. It's about interest and the purpose of that interest. Some people are just intrigued in Feng Shui. My interest in it was a life transformation. I wanted to use it as a tool to transform lives and make a difference."

Joey admits that his parents were not too keen on his choice of career initially. "Like any parents, mine did not start off supporting my decision. The reason being their perception of Feng Shui. They believed that this was not a professional or respectable field and did not want me associated with such a field."

Success and achieving it

"Everybody wants to be successful. They all want to be rich, have a good figure or be healthy, but they do not and often, are not, willing to do what it takes to be that. People say that to succeed, all it takes is passion in what you do, but I beg to differ. It's about cause and effect. You see, whatever we are good at in life, we are bound to be passionate about. If you are runninga successful business or doing what you excel in, you are bound to be passionate about it! So they key is to first be good at what you do. Then you will be passionate in doing it!" Joey put it to me.

"People are in love with the effect, but not the cause. The cause the most important part-are the tools required and the skills you need to hone to get what you want. So fall in love with the cause first and the process will lead to results," he stressed. This is a man who strongly believes that "passion is created and not found."

A sage for his young age (Joey is 36 this year), Joey went on to share a profound example. "Human beings are the only living beings that do not always reach their full potential. Take for example a tree. How tall is it grow? As tall as possible right? But not human beings. Often, we fall short of our destinies and stop growing. Growth has to be intentional. It doesn't happen just because you are living. We must have a plan to be a better version of ourselves be a better character. Being busy does not equate to growing."

"My fulfillment comes when I see lives transformed. When someone who is struggling in what they do and earn, for example, only 3000 a month goes on to be rich and happier from my consultation, I'm happy. Everybody can succeed, it's all about gleaning the useful information from the useless."

On the legacy he wishes to leave behind, Joey opined, "I'm in the business of transforming lives and I hope that's what I do. I also hope that people will remember my teachings. All this time this subject has been hard to understand because information on it is scarce and dispersed. Those who mastered it were either unwilling to share what they know or do not teach it well. It has been my passion to gather these bits and pieces (Joey is a prolific author) and make the subject available to all. I hope people can study it and transform lives. That is what I want to do so that I can live on through it."

Click: www.masteryacademy.com/academy/MillionaireAsia2013Marchimg.asp

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Btw, i was at the closing party of Social Media Week at Avalon the nite before...some guests flew in specifically to attend the events...n i really agree with what one guest said abt how he's rather amused with how some young graduates termed themselves as social media experts...to me, expert is a title that others confer unto u...not what u would call thyself...lol...i could see the concerned look on some guests' faces when they learned that i'm a blogger...n asked me if our conversations would appear on my leechie blog...lol...i mentioned that i'm juz blogging for fun but a guest pointed out that most probably i wouldnt b out at such events n parties if i were not a blogger...well, u wouldnt find most ppl from my industry doing this...lol... 

Interesting Quotes:

"It shows the power of networks," said David Friedman, president of Wealth-X. "Harvard has this entrenched, powerful network that extends across so many sectors and is incredibly pro-active about connecting its alumni. You get a great education, but you also get access."

Harvard's success, said Friedman, "validates what we all whisper and now we know: It's not just what you know, it's who you know."

"Those who discourage your dreams, have likely abandoned their own."

"SCORPIO - The Addict (October 23 to November 21) 

EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring. "

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Birthday Photoshoot Nov 2012

The following pics were taken in nov 2012...birthday photoshoot...

Good Quotes from Jenny:

I need to believe in me!!!

"Every achiever that I have ever met says, 'My life turned around when I began to believe in me.'" ~ Dr. Robert H. Schuller, Minister and Author

"Conceive , believe and achieve.....really very powerful when one trains up the mind daily !

Napoleon Hill once said, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” The mind is such a powerful instrument. It can deliver to you literally everything you want... But you have to BELIEVE that what you want is possible."

"Grandmother says... Carrots, Eggs, or Coffee; "Which are you?"

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft.She then asked her to take an egg and break it.

After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked. "What's the point,grandmother?"

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter.

"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?"

---AUTHOR UNKNOWN —

The True Meaning of Love

Wishing u and ur family a happy lunar new year...it's the fourth day of cny...n i'm home alone...with nothing to do...n i'm expecting a lonely Valentine's ahead...i know i have no life...my leechie mum thinks it's quite loser behavior esp when those gals who r not more attractive than me r already spoken for...i was telling a fren the other day that i'm still searching for happiness...i know what doesnt make me happy...but i dunno what makes me happy...ya, i know i'm a pathetic soul...still trying to "find myself"...so i really admire those ppl who know what they want n they go for it! pls help me to b a better me...thx! 

I admit that i have a good memory...but i only realize now that...for some painful memories which i would rather forget...i have conveniently blocked these painful stuff away from my memory bank...perhaps i'm running away...i was so badly affected by the mkt tanking in 2009 that i cant rem how i cut off some v.painful positions...i juz totally blocked these out from my memory! then recently someone that i dont even know, texted me out of the blue, saying that he knew me from last year's halloween meetup...i was trying to recall where i was for all the past few halloweens...in 2010, i went to the halloween party where the photographer met me n still rems me today...but in 2011, i was at my cousin's wedding on halloween n i didnt attend any party...then i tried to recall hard abt last yr's halloween...it took me a long time before i realized that i didnt attend any halloween party last yr either...cos the conman brought me to Mount Faber where he was trying to scam my $ n that was the last time i met him in person...n i spent quite a fair bit of time trying to forget him n his evil intentions since! n now that i got him totally outta of my life...i guess i might have blocked off some memories of him...n damn...y did that guy make me recall those memories that i have alrdy blocked off? (well, perhaps i didnt need to think so hard if i had scrolled back my own blog...but i didnt think of it then...lol...Jin DaoZhen uses a recording device in "A Gentleman's Dignity" cos he suffers from memory loss at times...as for me, i guess this blog is the best...it records all the painful stuff that i wanna forget...i'm so silly to write down all the painful n embarrassing stuff that happened to me to let everyone laugh at me...well, at least i can laugh at my own silliness...i dont need to pretend to be whatever that i'm not...i'm juz me...lol) well, obviously the guy who texted me was lying...n he claimed that he got my contact no thru whatsapp...excuse me, i dont display my contact no on whatsapp or anywhere...n i didnt join any halloween meetup...

Frenz say i deserve to meet better men...not players! =.= the player profile is screaming loudly at me with the way how he treats me so differently in private n in front of all his ladies!!! some gals think it's such an honor to date a public figure...but i dont view it this way...public figure is also a human...but the alert is flashing when someone appeared to b wary of being seen in public with me! =.= so i asked a fengshui mistress y do i keep attracting all the wrong guys?! she said there could b bits n pieces from my past which could still attract all these wrong guys although i didnt do anything! Banish all these wrong guys! I deserve someone who is my true soulmate n who truly loves me for the person that I am!

Juz wanna share this touching story with everyone here...

"The True Meaning of LOVE - A Touching Story Must Read

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. . I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy.

My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. "Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?" He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow.... " My hopes just sank by listening to his response. I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.." This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. "When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs.

So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face... Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. " My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. ... and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk... I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread..... Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone... That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life... Love, not words win arguments..."

Where is my soulmate? or is the notion of a soulmate nothing but an urban fallacy?!

I rem the female lead in "A Gentleman's Dignity" telling the shuai shuai Jin Daozhen this...well, fairytales only happen in reel-life...not real-life...haiz...

Nobody loves me...so i gotta love myself more!!

(http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/30/hookinguprealities/how-to-make-sure-you-dont-fall-for-a-player/)

"How to Make Sure You Don’t Fall For a Player

by SUSAN WALSH 

Julie met James at a party. He was handsome and friendly. They talked all night and he requested her number, asking if it would be allright if he texted or called soon to plan a real date. She was flattered, and they exchanged digits. The next day he was texting repeatedly, wanting to meet up ASAP. Curious, she looked for him on Facebook. She saw that his profile pic was of a woman sliding a wedding ring onto a man’s hand. She couldn’t believe it could be him, but on his wall there he was thanking his dear friends for having shared his special day one month before.

Sara met David at a bar, and they had a great time dancing all night. He immediately suggested a followup. She checked him out on Facebook and saw that his status said in a relationship. She asked him about this and he denied that it was him. He claimed she had found another guy with his name. She requested that he friend her. He refused, but continued to harrass her to come out and meet up.

Brady and Liz knew each other slightly in high school, but that was four years ago. Suddenly he came out of nowhere, chatting her up online one night and texting for plans this summer when both get home. She was wary and joked, “I think you’re about four years too late.” He replied “I know I’m late but please don’t say I’m too late. You’re the one that got away.” After a month of constant attention, which Liz found flattering but a little sketchy, she saw a post on his wall from a friend saying it wouldn’t be long before he would be back home with his girlfriend, he must be psyched.

LESSON: DUDES! CHANGE YOUR PRIVACY SETTINGS!

It’s hard to get away with much in the new world of social media. Still, you can waste a fair amount of time and energy being played before you realize what’s up. It’s very difficult in the early stages of attraction to know the motives of the other person. Do they really like me? Do we want the same thing? It’s can also be very challenging to assess someone’s character objectively, especially if they’ve got you feeling butterflies. Let’s face it, infatuation is all about putting the other person on a pedestal, seeing them in the best possible light.

How can you be careful and still go with the flow? How can you enjoy yourself, knowing that there may be hell to pay down the road? There are no easy answers, but it pays to be on the lookout for the red flags that signify a person is not relationship material. I’ve learned from a lot of the guys here that they have ways of figuring this out, based on a woman’s social and sexual history, as well as her behavior. They report that there are “tells” that a discriminating man can use to rule women in or out as a girlfriend. I can’t attest to the effectiveness of their methods, but it got me thinking about how women can use their own intuition and powers of observation to know when they’re dealing with a player.

Here are my rules for qualifying a man for your attention and affection:

1. Understand that he is in it for the sex.

All men are in it for the sex. The question is, are they open to the idea of being in a committed relationship? Men may not even know this themselves at first. Until you reach the point where you have established compatibility and real affection, you must operate under the assumption that he is not seeking anything more than sex.

2. Ignore what he says.

Men say a lot of things to flatter women. Players are obviously better at this than everyone else.

He’s really into it? Doubt it.

He is thinking about you all the time? Mmm-hmmm.

He would never do anything to hurt you? Never means in the next hour or so.

I’m not hooking up with anyone else right now. Literally, right now. Last night? Different story.

He is in sales mode. He wants P in V. Very few men are looking at you wondering if you would be a good mother. Obviously, if he says any of the following things and you get involved with him, you are beyond my help:

I don’t see what the big deal is about sex. Sex feels great, so why shouldn’t we just enjoy it?

I would be a terrible boyfriend.

I’m young, I want to have fun.

Call me if you want to hang out sometime.

etc.

3. Pay attention to what he does.

Players are obviously going to be more impatient in their desire to get sex fast. Impatient behaviors include the following:

Overly relying on texting to make plans. May also text in the early stages with “cute” and “sweet” messages, like “Good night, sleep tight” or “How was your day?” or “Home safe?” Players know that these kinds of texts make women melt and think they are real good guys. Texts are fine if they are backed up by other methods of communication. A player will not ask you to study together or call to say he’s thinking of you, for example.

Texting for plans last minute. He’s keeping his options open for as long as he can. Players are known for sending friendly inquiries out to multiple women at the same time, and then choosing from the responses they get. A favorite is “Where are you?” The player will then engage in an apparent effort to meet up, foiled in the end by circumstances beyond his control. “I want to see you! My friends won’t leave this bar – sucks.” or “Heading uptown finally and would love to see you, can I come over?” Naturally, this last text is sent when the bars are closing. A guy who likes you will make a plan that includes spending time together in public at a reasonable hour. It doesn’t have to be a date, but if you’re being treated like a dirty little secret, beware.

Wanting sex early. This is obvious, and many Players will walk away within days if you don’t put out. However, some will hang in there, going for the touchdown over a period that can last weeks. Of course, once they’re in the end zone, it’s Game Over.

Lying for any reason at any time is immediate grounds for dismissal. It is never justifiable.

I recently saw this in a column by Maura Kelly at Marie Claire:

I had dinner with my BFF Daisy Milliner over the weekend, and she told me a horror story about a friend of hers–a nice, successful, smart girl who waited till the SEVENTH DATE to have sex with a guy she thought she liked. After the sex–and SEVEN DATES!–he didn’t call, didn’t text, didn’t contact her in ANY WAY. Nearly a week later, when she texted him Thursday to find out if they were still on for a Friday dinner, he texted back to say, “I’ve been meaning to get in touch. I think this isn’t going anywhere. So maybe dinner isn’t such a good idea.”

She brought this tale to two good guy friends, successful, mid-30s. This was their take:

“If a guy likes a girl a lot, there’s not much she can do that will turn him off–including sleeping with him on the first date. On the other hand, if he’s mainly looking for sex, it also doesn’t matter how long she holds out. The guy will keep taking her out on dates–even as many as seven–until he gets laid. And then he’ll ditch out.”

Here’s the key: A player will pressure you for sex. Even if it’s charming and he couches it in terms of wanting you really badly, it’s still pressure. A man who wants something real with you will respect your decision about timing. Daisy may have waited till the seventh date, but you can be sure the guy had a clear indication he was headed for success and made a sport of overcoming her resistance.

Most players in college won’t put up with a girl who doesn’t hook up immediately. And a girl who hooks up to make out but won’t go all the way? She’ll be dead to him on campus come Monday. If this happens to you, be thankful you got out quickly.

4. Observe how he carries himself. Red flags include:

Swagger

Smirk

Touches women carelessly – lots of hand on the lower back behavior

Grinds on the dance floor with anyone

Extroverted, enjoys being the center of attention

Eye f*cking, or excessive direct eye contact

Moves into your personal space boldly

These are all signs that you are not likely to be someone special over a period of time. Men like this go from hot to cold with the flip of a switch. If you observe this behavior when you meet a guy, don’t even give him a shot, he is bad news.

5. Understand his relationships.

How does he interact with his family? Is he protective of his sister? Does he love his mama? Does he respect his father? Anything off in the family sphere is a major red flag.

What are his male friends like? What is the friendship based on? What do they do together? Is he close enough to any guy to confide in him?

Do his friends seem eager to reassure you that he is a really good guy? This is usually a bad sign. In fact, in my experience it means he is a total douchebag. Guys don’t get their friends to wing for them in this way if they have no need of providing extra reassurance.

Are most of his friends women? This is a bad sign. There are some very good guys who don’t have a lot of female friends, but there are very few good guys who have no male friends.

Is he still connected to his ex? Being cordial is fine, but making plans, talking, texting, etc. are not. If a guy is in regular touch with his ex for any reason, he is unavailable emotionally. That means he isn’t capable of wanting more than sex from you.

How do women in his circle regard him? If you see women pulling him aside at parties and in hallways to “talk,” you can be sure he has unfinished business, at least in the eyes of those women. If women are inexplicably hostile to you, it often means that he treated them poorly, and they resent your coming on the scene as the new favorite. Anytime a guy says, “She’s a psycho” or “I don’t know what her problem is,” be careful. Usually, this is projection, and the woman has a very good reason indeed for being pissed off.

Is it important to him that you meet and like his friends? He should be more than just willing, he should be invested in making this connection if he has any interest in something lasting.

Is he eager to meet your friends? Does he go out of his way to be attentive and interested, determined to make a good impression? If he is all about his own circle, expecting you to come to him all the time, he is not relationship material.

6. Watch how he displays physical affection.

Hand holding is a must, but lots of players know this, and use it to pretend to be caring. Ditto for the nose kiss and the forehead kiss. Hugs are completely meaningless. This is all known as intimacy lite.

He should be at least a little nervous about the first kiss. If he has his tongue down your throat an hour after hello, move on.

When you’re out together at a party or gathering, does he stick close by, making it clear you are together? You should have a sense that he is attentive and a little protective. He should also be anxious to show you off if he is invested.

If he “invites” you to suck his d*ck, move on. I can never get over guys who say, “You can go down on me if you want.” If he thinks his penis is a rare and precious sword he’s a player.

If he’s smug about the size of his penis, move on. Lousy at sex, guaranteed. Funny, it’s always the guys with big ones who don’t like going down on women.

Cads are generally bad in bed. In the one published report from a woman who had sex with Tucker Max, she said he was terrible. Jackhammer all the way. What did he care? He was just taking the shortest route from Point A to Point B. If you get to the point of sex with a guy, and he makes zero effort, he’s a player.

There is one exception. Players will work hard to please you during sex if they have reason to believe you’ll report on their skills. So if he wants to do all your friends next, he’ll probably make an effort. This shouldn’t ever happen if you’ve paid attention to all the other signs.

OK, that’s all I got. What did I miss? Any other ways of telling when a guy wants nothing but panty? I suggest that you print this list and carry it around in your wallet. It should be the only weapon you’ll need to ward off the condom in his."

"Here's a lesson for every single girl out there: Never, ever settle. You may think you aren't gorgeous, smart, and have too many insecurities to count, but there is going to be someone in the world who will truly love you for you. Don't ever think that you've got to put up with some boy's shit because he's the first one in a long time to show some interest. You are all beautiful in your own individual way so never lower your standards ♥"